Would a Scrap with Death Make You Think?

As most of you already know I was diagnosed with bowel cancer earlier this year. What is interesting is that my condition and the resulting operation left me with six months of chemotherapy and also a pain condition that is most telling.

 

Reflecting back on the last few months made me realise that I had been seriously ill and although I never considered it life threatening at the time, it was. I could have died during the operation, from the subsequent treatment or from the chemotherapy. Indeed the ongoing pain issue was so horrible that perhaps I might have considered other ways to die!

 

But on reflection I never considered any of the events as a possible threat to my existence. It never occurred to me that I might die on the operating table, likewise that the chemo could also bring my life to an abrupt end.

 

Why not?

 

Well I believe that we are so wrapped up in our own person that we do not allow those negativities to enter the picture. We inherently believe that we are, as a person, indestructible. We know that things happen to others, but never consider that they might happen to us. We take risks in our everyday lives that if we reflect back on, perhaps should question as to if they were a sensible course to take. How we see ourselves when subjected to such a catastrophic issue as death is wildly different from what we would perhaps have expected prior to such an event.

 

Does it change how I feel?

 

Most definitely it does. I suddenly realised that my six children and their partners, the ten grandchildren, the parents, siblings and of course the thousands of friends that I have, all mean something different than before I became a human liability.

 

How do I progress from here?

 

Should I take them all under my wing and make good the lack of attention I have failed to give them in the past?

 

What do I need to do now?

 

(1 hour later)

 

Well I have considered the situation and reflected back on all the events of the past few months, and as a result have decided the following two things:-

• I really appreciate every one of my family and friends and all the concern they have shown, and time they have put in the make me feel better … THANK YOU I shall never forget it!
• I always was a GOM (Grumpy Old Man) and that is, I reckon, why they like me … so why change now!

 Finally, back on a serious note … I mean it!

 

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